How do I report domestic abuse? What if I don't want to get the police involved?
Domestic abuse is everyone's business. If it's happening to you or someone you know please report it as soon as you can. We take all reports extremely seriously.
Please call us on 101 to report your concerns. If you think you or someone else you know are in immediate danger please call 999 immediately.
We understand that you might find it difficult to report your concerns to the police. However, on the side of this page under 'Links' there is a list of support services that can also help, or you can always speak to your GP, health visitor or teacher.
Please remember - Help is available and it is possible to escape.
Support is available
If you are experiencing domestic abuse it is not your fault. You may feel trapped and unable to leave but there is a lot of support available whether or not you want the police to be involved.
Some organisations can find accommodation for you and your children if you need it.
You may not want to get your partner into trouble because of your emotional involvement, but domestic abuse often increases in frequency and severity over time.
Domestic Violence Protection Notices (DVPNs) and Domestic Violence Protection Orders (DVPOs) provide you with immediate protection following an incident of domestic violence and give you time to consider what to do next.
What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse isn't just about violent or threatening behaviour.
It can happen to anyone regardless of gender, religion, race or sexuality. It can happen in short and long term relationships. Partners, ex-partners and family members can all be involved.
Types of abuse
Psychological and emotional abuse
Making you question your worth
Controlling contact with friends and family
Making you feel like you couldn't cope on your own
Sexual abuse
Any sexual act where you are forced to do something you don't want to
Financial abuse
Controlling access to money
Accounting for every penny spent
Stopping you getting a job
Spending money allocated for other things
Controlling and coercive behaviour - #CutYourStrings
Controlling and coercive behaviour is domestic abuse and it is illegal.
The following videos from Dorset Police show just some of the examples of controlling and coercive behaviour.
The Cut Your Strings campaign was made by Dorset Police in collaboration with Bournemouth University, the Dorset High Sheriff John Young, the Dorset Police and Crime Commissioner, Wessex Crown Prosecution Service and the Safer Poole Partnership.
Violence, intimidation and threats
What are we doing about it?
Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Constabulary (HMIC) were asked by the Home Secretary to write a report on the national police response to domestic abuse. Police forces were given recommendations about how they could improve the service given to people that experienced domestic abuse. You can find out what we are doing in response to these recommendations by reading our Domestic Abuse Action Plan (located on the right hand-side under 'Downloads')
Know the signs
Realising you or someone you care about is in an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it.
It can be difficult to see if someone is in an abusive relationship, particularly if the abuse isn't physical.
Domestic abuse often gets worse over time so spotting the signs early is vital.
Signs you might be in an abusive relationship
Your partner is violent towards you, inflicts physical injuries to you or threatens you with violence
Your partner verbally abuses you, criticises you, puts you down or makes you feel inferior or worthless
Your partner controls where you are allowed to go, who you are allowed to see, what you can spend money on, what you can do and what you wear
Your partner sends you excessive messages, emails or voicemails or calls you all the time to monitor what you're doing
You avoid seeing friends and family and become withdrawn, isolated or reluctant to leave the house
Your partner forces you to have sex or carry out sexual acts when you don't want to
Your partner makes you feel afraid of them
You think you are to blame for the way your partner treats you
You feel embarrassed for your friends and family to see how your partner treats you
Signs that someone you know might be in an abusive relationship
They are reluctant to do anything with friends of family and become withdrawn
They seem depressed
They get anxious if plans change suddenly or they might be home late
They have signs of physical injuries
They get lots of phone calls, messages or voicemails from their partner when they are out
They avoid meeting you when their partner is around
They seem fearful of their partner
Checking if someone has been in an abusive relationship before
If you believe your partner was abusive in a previous relationship, or are concerned that someone you know is with an abusive partner, the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (aka Clare's Law) explains how you can apply for information about their history.
Practical advice if you're in an abusive relationship
It is not always possible to think clearly when experiencing domestic abuse. However, the following advice can help:
Planning ahead
Make a plan for how you can get out safely
Think about talking to your neighbours
Arrange to have a place to go
Make copies of important documents
Have a list of important phone numbers available
Pack an overnight bag
Put aside money and spare keys.
If you live alone
Change your locks and secure your doors and windows
Change your phone numbers
Tell trusted friends and family.
During an incident:
Get out if you can
Avoid rooms with only one exit
Avoid the kitchen, bathroom and garage if possible
Call for help or phone 999.
Once you're out safely
Tell your work and children's school and/or nursery if appropriate
Change your daily routine
Plan ahead for unexpected contact with the abuser.
